Happy Birthday Gavin!

Today is my son's 3rd birthday! I can't believe it's been 3 years already, it's crazy. Aah. We ended up having our birthday party for him on the 6th instead of the 13th, since Jeff remembered, oops, he has to work on the 13th. Ugh. So it was just me, Jeff, and the kids. I'm sad that it was so different from his first two birthdays...he doesn't care, but still it hurts me and is just another reminder that we know no one pretty much and that I have no friends. We'll have been here for 2 years in March, and I have no friends. That sucks.
I think I've written in here before already about how Jeff's put in for a short tour to Korea...I guess we won't know if he got it until November 17th. Every day and night I pray, wish on stars, wish at 11:11 am AND pm, WHATEVER little stuff I can possibly do just to hope this comes true. I want him to get Korea SO BAD, because I just want to move. I just want to go home. I'm so unbelievably depressed here. I know I've said that before too, but...I really hate it. And I have NO control over what happens, and it sucks...that's why all I can do is hope/wish/pray.
Everyday I go and look at the pictures of the base housing for Offutt AFB, in my hometown...just thinking about how badly I want to live there. I don't know why I do it to myself..I'm trying to keep hope alive, but right now I'm so down that I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. There's only like...6 spots open for Jeff's job/rank in Korea right now....for the whole air force. It just doesn't seem very likely to me. And this is the 2nd time he's put in for it in a row, they put in for it like every 3 or 4 months? That's when the new lists of available bases come out I guess. So...if we don't get it this time, then I guess we'll have to wait until February or March....And I'm starting to think it'll never happen. And we'll just be trapped here for forever. I cry everytime I think about that. I hate it. I hate being so sad. I hate feeling so alone. I hate being so depressed. I hate that it's come to this, but I need to get out. I need to get out of here. PLEASE! Someone get me out of here.